


Thinking of you

by embersandturquoise



Category: Call Me By Your Name (2017), Call Me by Your Name - André Aciman
Genre: Angst, Boys In Love, Boys Kissing, Boys at work, CMBYN - Freeform, CMBYN-sequel, Elio Elio Elio, Fluff, Gay, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, POV Elio Perlman, Timmy and Armie, Timmy is insecure, elio and oliver, rehearsal, timothee chalamet fanfiction
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-01
Updated: 2020-12-01
Packaged: 2021-03-10 01:07:20
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,284
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27815806
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/embersandturquoise/pseuds/embersandturquoise
Summary: When Timmy reads the script of the CMBYN-sequel, his feelings hit him hard.
Relationships: Oliver/Elio Perlman, Timothée Chalamet/Armie Hammer
Comments: 6
Kudos: 48
Collections: CMBYN December Fest 2020





	Thinking of you

**Author's Note:**

> Written for the "CMBYN December Fest 2020" on Tumblr.
> 
> Prompts I´ve used:  
> * Hurt/Comfort  
> * A day at work  
> * A glimpse into the future
> 
> Thanks for leaving kudos and comments. I´m really curious to know what you guys think of it. :*

** Thinking of you (CMBYN-December-Fest 2020) **

****

_ Elio _

_It´s summer finally._

_Summer..._

_All those memories._

_The smell of citrons and oranges lingering in the air._

_Freshly brewed coffee._

_Morning eggs._

_Peaches._

_Peaches..._

_I grin to myself but the feeling fades away quickly and is without warning replaced with grief. A jolt of pain hits my chest._

_I miss him._

_And I miss him even more as our new summer guest arrives._

_I wander through my room._

_My room that was his room._

_Of all things that he could have chosen, he took a postcard with him. To remind him of me._

_And only then it appeared to me what this postcard had meant._

_That it had been there for years._

_But that was before Oliver._

_Oliver..._

-

_Later we sit under one of the huge oak trees in our garden, Marzia and me._

_“He´s not anything like.._

_She stops and looks at me from the side._

_Cautiously._

_As always when we stumble upon that issue._

_I hate to call him an issue._

_Love of my life._

_Deepest desire._

_Hurt._

_Anything._

_Any words would fit him but “issue”._

_“Tesoro mio...”_

_She sighs._

_Still calls me that. I´m her puppy, her darling, her sweet._

_I know she still has feelings for me and she was right. I did hurt her. I did not intend to. She understood. She of all understood._

_I pull a face and bury my head into my arms._

_It´s too hot._

_It´s exactly what it´s been like last year._

_Just that it´s not._

_I look up and try to go on._

_Life needs to go on._

_I´ve not suppressed the pain, the grief, the feeling of loss that came. My heart betrayed me, as it did so often before, during those six weeks. Pretended to beat on, to carry me through my life just like before. Like it had not been affected at all._

_It lasted three days._

_My father was right._

_It came. And it hurt, and it nearly broke me._

_But here I am._

_I´m alive._

_“No, he´s not. But he seems to be nice.”_

_It´s not that there´ve not been others. I met a guy in school when we were back. We dated for a while, we slept together. We had fun, I even began to feel happy with him. He liked music, he helped me with my transcriptions. That was when we first kissed. I never thought I could feel like that again._

_I did._

_My heart betrayed me._

_My poor heart betrayed me._

_“Elio!”_

_My father calling from the breakfast table._

_“Come over and show our guest how to open his egg properly.”_

_I groan and exchange looks with Marcia. She takes my hand._

_“My poor baby...”_

_I stand up and kiss her on the cheek._

_“Fancy a swim later?”_

_She nods._

_“Aspero sulla spagia.”_

_As I walk through the alley of trees and flowers around me, birds chirping their morning song, the sun already standing high, I cannot even put a smile on my face._

_Must I?_

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Timothée let the script fall back on the table and threw his head back, grunting.

“Really...”

He kicked the chair when he stood up, nearly stumbling over his long legs.

“My heart betrayed me...”

he mumbled.

“Fuck, yes it did.”

He didn´t expect the reading to hit him like this. Violently. Hard.

Now he knew what people had meant with not evolving too deep into a character, not connecting too much.

Maybe he had been too young for the role.

But fuck, this was exactly what he was supposed to do.

It had become a second skin.

And yes, maybe that was too much.

It definitely was.

But he hadn´t known before.

“Woooow baby, who´s making a mess?”

Timmy flinched by the deep voice.

“Shit...”

he muttered.

“Oh and now he curses.”

Armie stepped behind him. He felt a warm hand on his shoulder.

_He would not._

_He would._

_Not._

_He just._

_Would..._

But he turned around.

“What´s wrong, baby?”

And all anger faded away.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

_After the swim we head into town._

_It´s not the same anymore._

_The bookstore..._

_Marzia smiles at me._

_“You know, Elio... I meant every word I said.”_

_“I know. I just... can´t.”_

_“Yes. I understand.”_

_She understands._

_Best friends forever._

_I´ve really tried to forget him. But that did not work. And it wasn´t supposed to work. That´s what my father meant._

**_“... if there is pain, nurse it, and if there is a flame, don´t snuff it out, don´t be brutal with it.”_ **

_Does it make me any wiser? Happier? Does it make it better?_

_No inch._

_It gets better. He was right with that, too. Slowly. And there´d been days when I thought I had him out of my system. There are days I enjoy myself. When I´m somehow the boy I was before. But that can´t be. Live is a flow and that is ever changing._

_I wonder what he´s doing._

_He´s never called but once after his visit at Christmas._

_Told me he´s engaged._

_He must be married by now._

_Maybe they´ll have children._

_I don´t even know if I envy her. Or him. Or them._

_I just... miss..._

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

“Did you read the fucking script?”

The anger had only surfaced for a short moment. It flamed anew, the heat of feelings bursting in Timothée´s chest.

Armie nodded.

“Sure.”

He looked at the younger with concern in his blue eyes. Timmy tried to find something else in his gaze. He was shaking.

“That, why you´re so upset?”

Timmy let out a hissing sound.

_Couldn´t he see it?_

**_Is it better to speak or to die?_ **

“Look at me, Timothée.”

No one had ever spoken his name so tender. No one had ever looked at him that way. No one had ever...

Timothée´s stomach twisted.

_Anger, fury, passion, heat, pleasure..._

Why was all of that so connected suddenly?

He raised his green eyes up, brighter than usual, the light coming in from outside mirroring in sparks within the iris.

“You are so beautiful...”

He gasped.

“W-what?”

“You are incredibly talented.”

“No, I mean, what did you say?”

“That you are incredibly...”

“No! Before that!”

Now Timmy was angry again, hot tears shot behind his lids and he walked a few steps, turning his back to his co-star.

Armie stood back, not knowing what was going on.

Did Timothée never notice how he gave him signs? From the very beginning on?

The boy was so immersed in his role; Armie wasn´t sure if he did get the meaning. That he wasn´t playing a role, that he really was falling for him. That he couldn´t take his eyes off his beautiful face, the sharp line of his jaw, those full lips, his high cheeks, the sea-green eyes, his lashes...

Not to speak of those long legs, legs every woman would have killed for.

And his tiny bottom.

He had touched him.

Everywhere.

And Timmy still didn´t know?

“Tim...”

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

_When we come out, the sunlight blinds me for some seconds._

_I tumble forward, reaching for Marzia´s hand._

_“Ouch...”_

_She stops abruptly, squeezing my hand hard._

_“What??”_

_“Elio...”_

_she whispers and when I finally can make out her face in the shapes of the sun I know._

_My stomach turns and I raise my eyes._

_Slowly._

_But still too fast._

_I´m getting sick._

_She watches in a mixture of disgust and compassion how I throw up against the wall. I hold myself up with one hand against it, shaking._

_This._

_Can´t._

_Be._

_A light touch on my shoulder._

_“I hope you didn´t drink that early.”_

_I shake my head, not able to speak._

_“Later...”_

_Hearing Marzia say these words nearly makes me laugh._

_The ground under my feet is shaking._

_I need to sit._

_He supports me gently from falling._

_We sit on the floor._

_I can´t look at him._

_I just feel..._

_His warm body beside me. His strong hands, barely touching my thighs. His breath coming in long deep draws. His hair touching to my head._

_After a long while I regain my voice._

_I dare to look over._

_My heart jumps._

_He smiles at me._

_“I´d kiss you if I could...”_

_I sigh._

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

“See, that´s the fucking shite in this. “I´d kiss you if I could”... blah. I´m sick of it. Why can´t he?”

Timothée burst out, his voice breaking.

“Because he´s afraid...”

Armie tried to make Timmy look at him, make him see the love in his eyes, make him understand...

“Afraid? The guy is so confident with all of his being and still he´s afraid. Of who he truly is.”

“Gee Tim, you´re really deep into this.”

“Am I?”

Suddenly the anger vanished and Timothée was left with despair.

“Maybe I feel too much...”

“You do. That´s who you are. And that...”

Something struck Armie right at this moment.

Timmy wasn´t angry anymore, his eyes were filled with sadness, with hope, with... he didn´t dare believe it, but yes... He saw his own feelings mirrored in the younger guy´s eyes. The way he clung to his gaze, the way his shoulders hung down, he really was...

“Timmy...”

Armie sighed deeply and overcame the distance between them, took him into his arms and Timothée began to cry.

“Come here... It´s okay. I´m here... It´s all okay...”

Timmy sobbed for a while, his face buried into the neck of the older man, taking in his scent, taking in his warmth, feeling his arms around him, his hands stroking his back, his fingertips on his spine...

Exactly like then.

“It´s been there for weeks.”

Timmy´s words were barely audible. Armie stood away a bit to look at him.

“No.”

“No?”

Tears were rolling down Timothée´s cheeks and Armie just couldn´t have it anymore.

“It´s been there forever. Since the very first moment you walked in on set.”

Timothée gasped.

He looked at the other man unbelieving.

Armie smiled. He took Timmy´s small hands in his and intertwined their fingers. How long and soft those fingers were, perfectly fitting the gaps between his bigger ones.

Timothée shuddered under their touch.

_So this was what it felt like._

_No acting. No pretence._

He slung his arms behind Armie´s back and looked up just to see that the other was already tilting his head, his eyes fluttered shut and he breathed and then he felt those warm soft lips on his.

“Can we put the script away and just - live?”

Tim was brushing his teeth against the soft flesh of Armie´s throat. The other man moaned.

“Yes please. There´s only one thing...”

“Hm?”

Tim looked up. Armie trailed his fingers over Timmy´s cheeks, down to his chin and raised his face up to him.

“What I said earlier...”

Timothée grinned.

“Say it again.”

“You are so beautiful...”

Timothée´s heart grew with love and pride and he nodded.

“I did hear that. I just... couldn´t believe.”

“Neither could I. Why didn´t you give me a sign?”

Both giggled. Then Timothée´s look got serious again.

“But I did. From the very beginning on. I looked at you whenever possible. I tried to be near you. I... touched you.”

Armie kissed him tenderly.

“We were both too immersed.”

“Maybe we were...”

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

_“You can. If you want to.”_

_I push him, I know._

_I need to challenge him._

_He challenged me too much. I gave in._

_I will give in again. He knows._

_He looks at me for a long time._

_“Elio...”_

_he sighs._

_“Elio, Elio, Elio, Elio...”_

_I respond._

_He bows and I dare not to breathe._

_His eyes pin mine._

_“Oliver...”_

_he whispers._

_And then he kisses me._

_-_

_The sun sets in the evening as we walk down to the beach, hand in hand, a basket full of the nicest food which Mafalda packed for us._

_We sit down and we both stare at the sea. The wind touches a cool breeze around our bodies and I can finally breathe again._

_I take out some bread, a bottle of wine, hard-boiled eggs and – a peach._

_Oliver throws me a look, his eyebrows cocked._

_I grin as I push my thumb into the hole and pull the pit out. Soft firm flesh sticks to my fingers, the juice running over my hand._

_I can see him react, he´s wearing my bathing suit and I enjoy that it seems to be the slightest bit too tight for him._

_“You sure you want that?”_

_His voice is low and husky as he moved closer. I reach out my tongue and touch it to his lips._

_“No. This time I want you to do it.”_

_Oliver lets himself fall back into the sand, groaning and we roll around, laughing._

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

They lay on the sofa, their bodies entangled, still breathing hard and sweating, hearts bursting with joy. Armie placed little kisses all over Timmy´s chest.

“Did you really move that peach into your pants, baby?”

Timmy´s cheeks flushed red.

He nodded and tried to look somewhere else.

“How did that feel?”

Timothée sighed deeply.

“Wanna try?”

He rolled over and took a peach from the plate that stood on the table beside them. Armie grinned.

“How good no one ever comes here but me.”

Timothée bit into the peach and immediately juice was running down his chin.

“Best flavour ever...”

_~ The End ~_


End file.
